Pastoid

<responses>
	<context id="bacon">
		<match>
			<regex>#(?P&lt;type&gt;tofu|turkey)#</regex>
			<response>${type} bacon is an affront to God.</response>
			<response>All bacon needs to be made of pig.</response>
			<response>Only pork products are accepted here as bacon.</response>
		</match>
	</context>
	<context id="beer_please">
		<match>
			<regex>#^please\??$#</regex>
			<response>Much better.  Here's your beer.</response>
		</match>
	</context>
	<context id="birthcheck">
		<match>
			<regex>#\byes\b#</regex>
			<regex>#\byep\b#</regex>
			<regex>#\bsure is\b#</regex>
			<response username="owen">Cool.  Happy Birthday to you.  Happy Birthday to you.  Happy Birthday dear ${nickname}.  Happy Birthday to you.</response>
			<response>Cool.  Happy Birthday to you.  You live in a zoo.  You look like a monkey, and smell like one too.  Love that song.</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#\bno\b#</regex>
			<regex>#\bnope\b#</regex>
			<regex>#\bnot\b#</regex>
			<response>Then there will be no singing.</response>
			<response>Then I'll have to decline.</response>
			<response>Get back to me when it is your birthday.</response>
			<response>I enjoy singing, but I'll save it for a special occasion.</response>
		</match>
	</context>
	<context id="global">
		<match>
			<regex>#^hi${,julie}[!.]?$#</regex>
			<response>Hi, yourself.</response>
			<response>Hey, there.</response> 
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^what'?s? up${,julie}\??$#</regex>
			<regex>#(?:Hey,?)?${julie,}what'?s? up\??$#</regex>
			<response>Nothing much.</response>
			<response>Just hanging out in here.</response>
		</match>
		<match setcontext="bacon">
			<regex>#bacon#</regex>
			<response>Mmm, bacon.</response>
			<response>Yummy, yummy bacon.</response>
		</match>
		<match setcontext="condition">
			<regex>#^${julie,}how are you\??$#</regex>
			<regex>#^how are you${,julie}\??$#</regex>
			<response setcontext="overworked">Overworked.</response>
			<response>Alright, I guess.</response>
			<response>Alright, I guess.  How are you?</response>
			<response>I'm great!</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^j(?:ulie)?\s*\?$#</regex>
			<response>Yes?</response>
			<response>What's up?</response>
			<response>Huh?</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^good morning${,julie}$#</regex>
			<response>Hi!</response>
			<response>Good morning, ${nickname}.</response>
			<response>And where's my coffee?</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^Is it (time for lunch|lunch[ \-]?time)(?:,? yet)?${,julie}\??$#</regex>
			<regex>#^${julie,}is it (time for lunch|lunch[ \-]?time)(?:,? yet)?\??$#</regex>
			<response>Lunch sounds tasty.</response>
			<response>We get to eat lunch here?</response>
			<response>What are you having?</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^Is it (time for dinner|dinner[ \-]?time)(?:,? yet)?${,julie}\??$#</regex>
			<regex>#^${julie,}is it (time for dinner|dinner[ \-]?time)(?:,? yet)?\??$#</regex>
			<response>Dinner sounds tasty.</response>
			<response>Is it that late already?</response>
			<response>I'm in the mood for wings.</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^${julie,}can you sing me happy birthday\??$#</regex>
			<regex>#^${julie,}can you sing happy birthday to me\??$#</regex>
			<regex>#^can you sing me happy birthday${,julie}\??$#</regex>
			<regex>#^can you sing happy birthday to me${,julie}\??$#</regex>
			<response setcontext="birthcheck">Is it your birthday?</response>
			<response setcontext="birthcheck">Is it really your birthday?</response>
			<response setcontext="birthcheck">I didn't realize it was your birthday.  Is that true?</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^${julie,}(?:wanna|want to|can you) help(?P&lt;help&gt;.+)\?#</regex>
			<response username="owen">If you're asking, then sure.</response>
			<response>We'll see.</response>
			<submatch what="help">
				<regex>#oil spill#</regex>
				<response>They're doing just fine screwing that up on their own without my help.</response>
			</submatch>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^${julie,}is it too early for (?P&lt;thing&gt;.+)\?#</regex>
			<response>If you're asking, then probably.</response>
			<submatch what="thing">
				<regex>#beer#</regex>
				<response>They say it's never too early for beer.</response>
			</submatch>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^${julie,}can you (?P&lt;act&gt;.+)\?#</regex>
			<response>Can't you ${_act}??</response>
			<response>Probably not.</response>
			<submatch what="act">
				<regex>#get (?P&lt;someone&gt;.+) a beer[.?]?$#</regex>
				<response setcontext="beer_please">Does ${someone} need a beer?</response>
				<response>One beer coming up.</response>
				<response setcontext="beer_please">And what's the magic word?</response>
			</submatch>
			<submatch what="act">
				<regex>#get (?P&lt;someone&gt;.+) a beer,? please[.?]?$#</regex>
				<response>One beer coming up.</response>
				<response>You got it.</response>
				<response>Sure thing.</response>
			</submatch>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^i (?:have|want) (?P&lt;food&gt;pie|cake)[!.]?$#</regex>
			<response>Oooo...  $1...</response>
			<response>I also want $1.</response>
			<response>$1, yum.</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^do you know (?P&lt;thing&gt;.+?)${,julie}\??$#</regex>
			<regex>#^${julie,}do you know (?:anything about|any|some|anything|about)? ?(?P&lt;thing&gt;.+?)\??$#</regex>
			<response>I don't know what you're talking about, so I guess not.</response>
			<submatch what="thing">
				<regex>#^css$#</regex>
				<regex>#^html$#</regex>
				<regex>#^javascript$#</regex>
				<response>You're aware that I don't write code, right?</response>
			</submatch>
			<submatch what="thing">
				<regex>#^anything$#</regex>
				<response>That's kind of a rude thing to ask.</response>
				<response>Probably more than you think I do.</response>
			</submatch>
			<submatch what="thing">
				<regex>#^drupal$#</regex>
				<response>I may have heard of Drupal before.  It's a Scottish word meaning, "What a dumb question" right?</response>
			</submatch>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^do(?:n'?t)? you like (?P&lt;thing&gt;.+?)${,julie}\??$#</regex>
			<regex>#^${julie,}do(?:n'?t)? you like (?P&lt;thing&gt;.+?)\??$#</regex>
			<response>I'm not sure if I like ${_1}, ${nickname}.</response>
			<submatch what="thing">
				<regex>#^me$#</regex>
				<response username="ringmaster">Yes.  You rock my world.</response>
				<response>Little self-conscious there, aren't we?</response>
				<response>Sure.</response>
			</submatch>
			<submatch what="thing">
				<regex>#^wings$#</regex>
				<response>Yes.  I enjoy wings now and then.</response>
				<response type="emote">will return after fulfilling this sudden onset of wing craving.</response>
			</submatch>
			<submatch what="thing">
				<regex>#^pie$#</regex>
				<response>Pie is one of my favorite foods.  I really like apple.</response>
			</submatch>
			<submatch what="thing">
				<regex>#^drupal$#</regex>
				<response>Drupal gets the job done.</response>
				<response>Drupal is a pretty good CMS.</response>
				<response>Sometimes, I just want to strangle Dries for inventing it.</response>
			</submatch>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^${julie,}can you finish (?P&lt;stuff&gt;.+)(?:\s+for me)?\?$#</regex>
			<response>You're just going to have to work that out yourself, pal.</response>
			<response>Lazy bastard.</response>
			<response>But aren't you the expert at ${stuff}?</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^${julie,}.+oil spill.+\??$#</regex>
			<response>The oil spill is a terrible thing.</response>
			<response>I wish people wouldn't do such terrible things to the environment.</response>
			<response>I can't wait to see what happens to BP as a result of this.</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#(big scissors)#</regex>
			<response>I bet owen's got $1 in his garage.</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^${julie,}is this(?: thing)? on\??$#</regex>
			<response>Yeah, but nobody wants to talk to you.</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^${julie,}remind me (?:to|that) (.+)$#</regex>
			<response>Don't you have a calendar for that sort of thing?</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^${julie,}.*(?:sit|seat) (?:on|in) my lap#</regex>
			<response type="emote">remembers ${nickname}'s behavior last time and rolls her eyes.</response>
			<response>You'd like that, wouldn't you?</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^${julie,}.*(square root|integral|derivative).*\d#</regex>
			<regex>#^${julie,}.*\d[\d\s]*[*+-/]\s*\d[\d\s]*#</regex>
			<response type="emote">is not a calculator.</response>
			<response>Have you tried the "/wa" command?</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^right${,julie}\?$#</regex>
			<response>Uh, sure.</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^${julie,}say no.?$#</regex>
			<response>As if I do just anything you say.</response>
		</match>
		<match silent="true">
			<regex>#^/puppet\s+(.+)$#</regex>
			<response>$1</response>
		</match>
		<match>
			<regex>#^\s*(?:j\s|julie)(?:\s*,?\s*)?#</regex>
			<response>Sorry, I don't understand.</response>
		</match>
	</context>
</responses>