#(?P<type>tofu|turkey)# ${type} bacon is an affront to God. All bacon needs to be made of pig. Only pork products are accepted here as bacon. #^please\??$# Much better. Here's your beer. #\byes\b# #\byep\b# #\bsure is\b# Cool. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear ${nickname}. Happy Birthday to you. Cool. Happy Birthday to you. You live in a zoo. You look like a monkey, and smell like one too. Love that song. #\bno\b# #\bnope\b# #\bnot\b# Then there will be no singing. Then I'll have to decline. Get back to me when it is your birthday. I enjoy singing, but I'll save it for a special occasion. #^hi${,julie}[!.]?$# Hi, yourself. Hey, there. #^what'?s? up${,julie}\??$# #(?:Hey,?)?${julie,}what'?s? up\??$# Nothing much. Just hanging out in here. #bacon# Mmm, bacon. Yummy, yummy bacon. #^${julie,}how are you\??$# #^how are you${,julie}\??$# Overworked. Alright, I guess. Alright, I guess. How are you? I'm great! #^j(?:ulie)?\s*\?$# Yes? What's up? Huh? #^good morning${,julie}$# Hi! Good morning, ${nickname}. And where's my coffee? #^Is it (time for lunch|lunch[ \-]?time)(?:,? yet)?${,julie}\??$# #^${julie,}is it (time for lunch|lunch[ \-]?time)(?:,? yet)?\??$# Lunch sounds tasty. We get to eat lunch here? What are you having? #^Is it (time for dinner|dinner[ \-]?time)(?:,? yet)?${,julie}\??$# #^${julie,}is it (time for dinner|dinner[ \-]?time)(?:,? yet)?\??$# Dinner sounds tasty. Is it that late already? I'm in the mood for wings. #^${julie,}can you sing me happy birthday\??$# #^${julie,}can you sing happy birthday to me\??$# #^can you sing me happy birthday${,julie}\??$# #^can you sing happy birthday to me${,julie}\??$# Is it your birthday? Is it really your birthday? I didn't realize it was your birthday. Is that true? #^${julie,}(?:wanna|want to|can you) help(?P<help>.+)\?# If you're asking, then sure. We'll see. #oil spill# They're doing just fine screwing that up on their own without my help. #^${julie,}is it too early for (?P<thing>.+)\?# If you're asking, then probably. #beer# They say it's never too early for beer. #^${julie,}can you (?P<act>.+)\?# Can't you ${_act}?? Probably not. #get (?P<someone>.+) a beer[.?]?$# Does ${someone} need a beer? One beer coming up. And what's the magic word? #get (?P<someone>.+) a beer,? please[.?]?$# One beer coming up. You got it. Sure thing. #^i (?:have|want) (?P<food>pie|cake)[!.]?$# Oooo... $1... I also want $1. $1, yum. #^do you know (?P<thing>.+?)${,julie}\??$# #^${julie,}do you know (?:anything about|any|some|anything|about)? ?(?P<thing>.+?)\??$# I don't know what you're talking about, so I guess not. #^css$# #^html$# #^javascript$# You're aware that I don't write code, right? #^anything$# That's kind of a rude thing to ask. Probably more than you think I do. #^drupal$# I may have heard of Drupal before. It's a Scottish word meaning, "What a dumb question" right? #^do(?:n'?t)? you like (?P<thing>.+?)${,julie}\??$# #^${julie,}do(?:n'?t)? you like (?P<thing>.+?)\??$# I'm not sure if I like ${_1}, ${nickname}. #^me$# Yes. You rock my world. Little self-conscious there, aren't we? Sure. #^wings$# Yes. I enjoy wings now and then. will return after fulfilling this sudden onset of wing craving. #^pie$# Pie is one of my favorite foods. I really like apple. #^drupal$# Drupal gets the job done. Drupal is a pretty good CMS. Sometimes, I just want to strangle Dries for inventing it. #^${julie,}can you finish (?P<stuff>.+)(?:\s+for me)?\?$# You're just going to have to work that out yourself, pal. Lazy bastard. But aren't you the expert at ${stuff}? #^${julie,}.+oil spill.+\??$# The oil spill is a terrible thing. I wish people wouldn't do such terrible things to the environment. I can't wait to see what happens to BP as a result of this. #(big scissors)# I bet owen's got $1 in his garage. #^${julie,}is this(?: thing)? on\??$# Yeah, but nobody wants to talk to you. #^${julie,}remind me (?:to|that) (.+)$# Don't you have a calendar for that sort of thing? #^${julie,}.*(?:sit|seat) (?:on|in) my lap# remembers ${nickname}'s behavior last time and rolls her eyes. You'd like that, wouldn't you? #^${julie,}.*(square root|integral|derivative).*\d# #^${julie,}.*\d[\d\s]*[*+-/]\s*\d[\d\s]*# is not a calculator. Have you tried the "/wa" command? #^right${,julie}\?$# Uh, sure. #^${julie,}say no.?$# As if I do just anything you say. #^/puppet\s+(.+)$# $1 #^\s*(?:j\s|julie)(?:\s*,?\s*)?# Sorry, I don't understand.